The weird things Kel does
by Lady Cheese
Summary: Random tales about The people of the Palace.Owen losses his Llama. Raoul has taken over the crime fighting industry. While Neal acts normal.
1. Meeting Michael

MEETING MICHAEL  
  
Dom and Neal were both in Kel's rooms admiring her new pet fish.  
  
"Where did you get it?" asked Dom  
  
"Well" started Kel, "I was walking home from the stables this morning when this fish started to follow me. I told him not to, but he just wouldn't listen"  
  
"Wow!" said Neal, "I didn't know fish could walk!" he finished with a stunned look on his face.  
  
"They cant Neal" Dom told his fish shocked cousin.  
  
"Hello everyone!" announced Lord Raoul from the doorway  
  
"Raoul! What are you wearing?" asked Dom in a puzzled way because Raoul was wearing a black cape and had his underwear on his head.  
  
"I am now Batman," he said before running off singing the Batman theme song.  
  
"Raoul come back!" screamed Buri as she stopped in front of the open door to catch her breath.  
  
"Raoul's dead!" yelled back Raoul  
  
"Fine! Come back Batman!" she said before chasing after him  
  
Just then Kel looked at the floor and upon seeing a red string, bent down to pick it up. "Cool!" she exclaimed, "A red string!"  
  
Neal just turned back to the fish when Michael Jackson fell from the ceiling. "Hey sexy!" he said as he turned toward Dom, "Want to go back to my room?"  
  
"Ahhhhhhh" Dom screamed like a little girl, "mommy!"  
  
"What is that vile creature?" screamed Alanna as she stepped into Kel's rooms pointing at Michael Jackson, "I will defeat it!" she yelled as she pulled out her sword.  
  
"To the moon!" screamed Braveheart who was now standing behind Alanna with his army of Trombone players, "Attack!!!" The Trombone players then started to beat Michael Jackson up.  
  
"Oh crap!" said Neal as he noticed the fish was now dead, "I was never here!" and he started to back out of the room.  
  
"I'll save you Michael!" screamed Raoul as he came running back into the room. "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun BATMAN!" Then out of nowhere, "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" screamed Kel "Nobody move!" And everyone froze, "My string is gone!"  
  
~  
~  
  
While all this was happening, in another part of the palace King Jon and his advisors were planning a party.  
  
"This party" he started, "should have a theme but not just any theme," he said now getting excited, "the theme should be Mustard! Doesn't that sound great?" and without waiting for an answer he ran out of the room saying, "I'll go order the mustard cake!"  
  
~  
~  
  
Half an hour later the 'Mustard' party was ready to be set up, unfortunately for King Jon the dinning hall was unavailable for use.  
  
"I have an idea!" said King Jon, "lets hold the party in someone's rooms" and with that he took the mustard cake and headed to Kel's rooms. When he got there the Trombone army was now eating Michael Jackson (the cannibals!) and King Jon started to set up. Five seconds later the party was ready to go and the guests were arriving, regardless of the fact that Kel was now looking for her string under Michael Jackson. Yuki was the first person to arrive, dressed in a mustard yellow dress and with mustard in her hair she was also the prettiest.  
  
"Another vile creature!" screamed Alanna and the Trombone army attacked Yuki.  
  
"My string!" cried Kel as she jumped onto a Trombone player, "I found you at last!"  
  
~  
~  
  
The Lesson Learned: "Strings don't make good pets" 


	2. The Pink Llama

THE PINK LLAMA  
  
It was such a calm and relaxing winter day that you would never expect that inside the white covered walls there was true horror happening.  
  
"Check mate!" said Dom as he won the checker game Kel and him were playing.  
  
"You know" said Kel, "I have this weird feeling were not alone."  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Dom  
  
It was at that moment that Neal ran into the room and flung the closet door open. "I found you!" he exclaimed as he pulled Owen out, "Your turn now!" and he sat down, covered his eyes, and began to count, "one, two, three, four, etc." While this was happening Owen had flung himself out of the room and down the hall.  
  
"Your right" said Dom, "we are not alone." but Kel wasn't listening.  
  
She had walked over to the closet and was now looking inside. "What's that?" thought Kel out loud, "I don't remember it being in my closet!"  
  
Dom went over to see what she was looking at, and saw a pink Llama chewing a piece of paper. "My paper airplane!" exclaimed Neal as he ran back into the closet, "I've been looking everywhere for you!" and with that he stuck his head into the Llama's mouth and retrieved a piece of chewed paper. "My Precious!" he said in a scary voice as he petted his paper and left the room.  
  
It was at that moment Kel noticed a piece of string on the closet floor. "Look!" she exclaimed, "I thought I lost it!"  
  
"Lost what?" asked Dom  
  
"My red string of course." Answered Kel as she picked a string off the floor.  
  
"Noooooooo!!!" screamed Dom as he took the string from Kel and tried to burn it, "The Memory's! The Memory's!" but he never got a chance to throw the string into the flames because it was then that the pink Llama spoke up.  
  
"Can you hear me now?" it asked, "Good!" and walked out of the closet. "Hey sexy thing!" He said as he walked over to Dom, "You know there's enough room for two of us in this Llama costume"  
  
"Memory's!!!" screamed Dom before jumping out the window.  
  
"Kel?" Owen asked as he came back into the room, "I seemed to have missed placed my Llama. Have you seen it?"  
  
"Noooooooooooo!!!" screamed the pink Llama, "I'm gay! Not Jolly! Save me! Dom! My lover! Come back!" and with that he jumped out the window.  
  
"Darn!" said Owen, "That's the tenth Llama this week!" and he left the room.  
  
"Hello Mr. Bubbles" said Kel as she looked into the fish bowl that now held a dead fish and a lot of mold, "and how are you this morning?" she asked as she put some flakes of fish food into the bowl.  
  
"To the Batcave!" shouted Raoul as he ran past the room, "Come Robin!" he said to the annoyed looking Buri behind him.  
  
"The Horror! The Horror!" screamed Alanna as she ran into the room and also jumped out the window, "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!!!" she yelled as she fell to the ground.  
  
Yuki, who had been out in the hall witnessed this all. Walking into Kel's rooms she noticed that Kel was talking to her dead fish, and when Yuki looked out the window she saw the pile of dead bodies at the bottom.  
  
Raoul, who was now standing next to the pile screamed, "Holy Snot Batman I'll save you!" and jumped onto the pile of dead bodies.  
  
"Sometimes," started Yuki, "I think everyone here is a bunch of morons" and with that she also jumped out the window.  
  
"Come Mr. Bubbles" said Kel as she held her red string she had attached to her fish "Lets go for a walk!" and left the room.  
  
The advice for the day: "Dead Fish Don't Talk Back"  
  
~  
~  
  
I would now like to take the opportunity to thank all my lovely reviewers! I would also like to say that I am just Naturally Hyper no caffeine or sugar involved! Don't you Just love that! To tell the truth sugar makes me calm! I guess I'm just weird like that! So CHEESE! (Code in cheese langue: bye!) 


	3. When Good Pineapples Go Bad

Pineapples  
  
Kel woke up one bright beautiful day to the sound of someone singing down the hallway. "Pineapples, pineapples, pineapples" someone sang as they continued down the hall.  
  
"What?" asked Kel as she got out of bed and stepped into the hall?  
  
"Meathead!" she yelled as she recognized who it was singing, "What in the name of Mithros are you doing?"  
  
"Singing" said Neal (better known as Meathead) as if she should haven known all along.  
  
"I realize that" she cried, "but why, may I ask, are you running down the halls singing about pineapples?" she asked calmly, even though she was far from it (you would be too if someone woke you up at three in the morning)  
  
"Because" he replied, "today is the day when we all give each other pineapples" And with that he skipped away.  
  
"WHAT?" screamed Kel after him in confusion.  
  
She stood there for a few minutes before deciding that Meathead was just plain crazy and there wasn't anything you could do about it before she got dressed and headed down to breakfast.  
  
Even though it was still early there was still some people in the mess, and she had expected that, but what she saw nobody would be prepared for.  
  
"Kel" Dom called to her, she nodded her head and went over to him.  
  
Now before I continue any farther let me explain exactly what she saw. In the mess every person was wearing yellow and looked like they had been up for some time now, but that wasn't the strangest thing, the strangest thing was that everyone had a pile of five or six pineapples in front of them and some people were even exchanging pineapples between them.  
  
"Here" said Dom as he handed her a pineapple and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "Happy pineapple day!"  
  
"Thank you" she said still looking shocked as she took the pineapple from him, "but what is going on?"  
  
Dom never had time to answer because at that exact moment Lord Raoul came in and started throwing pineapples at people, "Happy Pineapple Day!" he screamed It was at the exact moment, as the pineapple came hurling towards her head that she came up with her new motto for life...  
  
"When life throws you pineapples throw them back and ask for a refund" 


	4. In the Toilette

IN THE DESERT  
  
One day Kel and Yuki were sitting around talking about how Neal had been acting strange lately and nothing more then that.  
  
"Why do you think he's been acting so weird?" asked Yuki, "he sleeps on the floor and I even saw him scratching his ear once!"  
  
"Well what's weird about scratching your ear?" asked Kel as she did the said act.  
  
"Well that's not that weird I guess," sighed Yuki, "it's just the fact that he was using his foot."  
  
"Yes" agreed Kel, "That is kind of weird"  
  
At that moment Neal walked into the room and straight to the bathroom. As he walked Kel and Yuki noticed that he had his tongue hanging out and the only greeting he managed was a lick on Yuki's arm.  
  
"See what I mean!" cried Yuki, "This is now normal for him!"  
  
"I wonder why he's doing this?" asked Kel, "You don't think stress has got to him do you?"  
  
"I don't know!" replied Yuki, "but anything's possible"  
  
Just than a weird noise was heard from the bathroom that Kel recognized as the sound Jump makes when drinking from the toilette. Going to investigate Kel and Yuki were given the sight of Neal on the floor with his head in the toilette and drinking up the water inside.  
  
"YES!" cried Yuki, "this is just KIND OF weird!"  
  
That night Kel and Yuki decided to take Neal to a healer to discover just what was wrong. When they walked in the healer greeted them nicely and asked what was wrong.  
  
"Well," started Yuki "it's my husband Neal"  
  
"Well please bring him in." stated the healer.  
  
Looking around Kel and Yuki noticed that Neal wasn't there, so going into the hall Kel came back with a Neal, now on all fours, behind her. "Oh my!" said the healer as he examined Neal, "I'm afraid I don't know what to do"  
  
~  
~  
  
Just then, some where in the desert, Bob, my split personality, was talking with some Bazhir Tribes men.  
  
"More cheese?" one of them asked while holding a platter of cheese out to Bob.  
  
"No thanks" replied Bob, surprisingly nice, "You know how it is with people to see, places to destroy" and with that he disappeared in a puff of orange smoke.  
  
~  
~  
  
Running out of options, Kel and Yuki decided to take their strange friend to Daine, the wildmage.  
  
"Yes" said Daine as she studied Neal, "I've seen this many times"  
  
"Well, what is it!" Yuki all but screamed.  
  
"It seems our friend Neal here," Daine started, "has caought the puppy flu." When Kelo and Yuki gave her weird looks she continued, "haven't you two noticed how he's been acting lately?" not waiting for an answer she said, "the only way to get the puppy flu is if you drink water from the toilette, but don't worry Neal should be back to normal soon enough." And with that she left.  
  
"Ok?" said Kel, "I'm never going to understand her am I?"  
  
"No, I don't believe you will!" answered Yuki while looking at the door Daine just left through, "none of us will."  
  
Looking into Daine's rooms through a crack in the door Dom thought to himself, you know he thought maybe I shouldn't have put the toilette water in meatheads water flask.  
  
The moral: "never drink out of the toilette, because you never know who used it last" 


	5. Attack of the Random People

Attack of the Random People  
  
It was a beautiful midwinter day and due to snow everyone had been forced inside.  
  
"So are you going?" asked Dom  
  
"Going where?" said Kel as the two friends sat around the fire in Kel's rooms.  
  
"You've Just Won A Million Dollars!" shouted Dom  
  
"I did? Wow!" asked Kel excitedly  
  
"No! You didn't, I was just having an out of movie experience." Said Dom as he stood up and headed for the door.  
  
"Oh!" said Kel, "I get those all the time!"  
  
"Never Give Up, Never Surrender!" shouted Raoul as he ran past the now open door wearing a kilt.  
  
"Well I guess I'll see you later." Said Dom as he started to go out the door, "Maybe around eight, and wear something nice, like maybe a dress, and.." But he never had a chance to finish because Kel had closed the door in his face.  
  
~ ~  
  
Later that night Kel, Dom, Neal, Yuki, Owen, Raoul, and Buri were standing around the ballroom talking when Bob Saget walked into the room.  
  
"Bob You're My Hero!" shouted Neal before he hit the floor in a dead faint.  
  
"Idiot" said Yuki under her breath, "I can't believe I married him"  
  
"Hey" said Bob Saget as he walked over to where everyone was standing.  
  
"Oh no!" cried Buri as she noticed Raoul was gone, "Where is that moron now!" and with that she left the room in a search for Raoul.  
  
"Bob?" asked Owen calmly, "Will you marry me?"  
  
"Sure!" said Bob Saget, "I love you!"  
  
"Want to go make out?" asked Dom as he turned toward Kel  
  
"Sure!" she replied and the two disappeared under the table.  
  
Just then stripping music was heard and Owen jumped on top of a chair and started to strip for Bob Saget.  
  
"Take It Off!!!" yelled some completely random person in the crowd forming around Owen.  
  
"Do You Have Change For A Twenty?" shouted another completely random person.  
  
That's when Neal woke up. "My Eyes!!!" he screamed "It Burns!!!" and he yet again hit the floor in a dead faint.  
  
"I'll save you Mary Joe!!!" yelled Raoul as he came running back into the room wearing a pair of red underwear not only on his head but also a pair over his clothes.  
  
"He's now Spiderman" said Buri as she also walked in.  
  
"I Got It!" screamed yet another completely random person as they caught the shirt Owen had flung off.  
  
"I'll Help!" cried Raoul as he jumped onto a chair next to Owen and also started to strip. "I'm too Sexy!" he shouted  
  
"Hey" said Alanna as she walked into the room, "If I had known the party would be this much fun I would have come sooner!" and with that she took out a dollar bill and started cheering with the crowd. "Jon why don't you go up there!" she shouted  
  
"Ok!" replied Jon and he also got on a chair.  
  
"Nooo!!!" screamed the crowd, "Our Eyes! It Burns!" and they all ran out of the room covering their faces.  
  
That's when a loud ear-piercing scream came from over where Neal lay on the floor "How Could You Have Killed My Fish!" shouted Kel who was standing over him, "Mr. Bubbles Come Back!" and she left the room.  
  
"Mary Joe" yelled Raoul as he left the room to make sure Kel was ok followed closely by Dom.  
  
"So who's up for a game of strip poker in my room!" asked Alanna as everyone raised their hands.  
  
The Moral for the Day: "Strip Poker is Fun"  
  
~ ~ Hey people! Ok! Just so you peoples know the pink Llama from Chapter four happens to be Michael Jackson in disguise. I know I really didn't say that in the last chapter but yeah! So yeah! Please review my new chapter!!! Ok! ttfn 


	6. Who?

WHO?  
  
Life was good for Keladry of Mindelan that is until it hit her, that she was drunk.  
  
'Oh well' she thought 'just as long as I don't do anything embarrassing I'm fine' (wow! she sounds so normal for a drunken person!) but little did she know that in another part of the palace Neal was showing his Uncle Mickey Mouse and his Aunt Minnie Mouse (both of whom are owned by Disney and in this story surprisingly Dom's parents) around.  
  
'I wonder if Alanna and the others are still playing strip poker' Kel thought  
  
"Hi" said Daine as she walked past Kel, "beautiful day, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah" replied Kel, "but if you don't mind my asking, what are you doing?"  
  
"What?" asked Daine, "Oh" she said as she realized Kel meant the mouse ears she was wearing on her head and the autograph book she held, "I plan on getting Mickey and Minnie's autograph!" she said cheerfully (maybe too cheerfully!? *author ponders her cheerfulness * or not!)  
  
"Ok?" said Kel to Daine's retreating back  
  
"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small, world," someone sang  
  
"Who?" said Kel as she looked around for the mysterious singer  
  
"Yes, I like beans!" said the voice before disappearing completely  
  
"Cheese?"  
  
"Kel!!!" yelled Dom as he ran up to her, "you need to hide me!"  
  
"Why?" questioned Kel  
  
"Because" said Dom before leaning down and whispering in Kel's ear, "the moon people are after me"  
  
"Really!" asked Kel excitedly  
  
"No" said Dom  
  
"Damn it Dom, why do you do that to me?"  
  
"Because it's fun" he replied, "There Here!" he exclaimed as he ran off to hide  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Kel!!!" yelled Neal  
  
"Shit!" said Kel, "That's the second time in three seconds!"  
  
"Hey Kel" said Neal, completely ignoring her (sounds like some of the friends I have) "Have you met Dom's parents yet?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Dom's parents said Neal while rolling his eyes  
  
"NO!" cried Kel getting annoyed (for no real reason, just because I felt like it)  
  
"Well then here" said Neal as he pulled two funny looking people toward her, "this is Dom's mom, Minnie Mouse, and his dad, Mickey Mouse"  
  
"Uh?" said Kel as she shook Dom's "parent's" hands, "Well" said Kel who was now wearing a beautiful gown, "I have a ball to attend" and with that she snapped her fan open and walked away  
  
"Lovely girl" remarked Minnie Mouse  
  
"Lovely girl" mimicked the mysterious singing voice  
  
Just then Merric was walking out of his rooms wearing his purple dress and singing show tunes when a bee flew up to him and stung him on the arm making him cry and run back in like a little girl. (Yeah! He must have really brained his damage now!)  
  
~  
~  
  
Advice For Life: "Uh...can you repeat the question?"  
  
Thanks to all who review my pathetic and sad story. I know this chapter isn't that good, but I needed something to occupy my spare time (Wow! Did I just say that? Spare time? Me?) So yeah, I have the whole lay out for the next chapter but with the four-day weekend I probably wont have it written for a while, seeing as I write my stories in the middle of school. So thank you all * throws random junk lying on my floor at people * Merry Christmas! 


	7. The Wedding

Ok! Here's the thing, if anyone wonders why Yuki seems out of character, well I guess their all kind of out of character, but if Yuki seems to be really angry I would like to apologize now, so yeah, thanks for reading this, the few of you who did  
  
~  
~  
  
The Wedding  
  
Kel was looking in the mirror in disgust, it was Owen's wedding and she was a bride's maid. "Gross" said Yuki as she also looked in the mirror, "who picked these outfits?"  
  
"Woof" said Jump, Kel's dog  
  
"I just said that" Yuki yelled, "That's it!" she screamed, "I'm going to find the skitzo maniac who made this dress and kill them" and she left the room to find the "skitzo maniac" (sorry about all her anger, but she keeps it usually hidden so well)  
  
"Woof?" asked Jump  
  
"I don't know," replied Kel  
  
Just then Alanna came in followed closely by an Armadillo wearing a white dress, "Meet Owen's bride to be, Ally the Armadillo"  
  
"Hi" said Kel  
  
"Armadillo noise" said Ally  
  
"Hey" said Neal as he walked in "who's the hot chick in the wedding gown?"  
  
"You better be talking about your wife," said Alanna "Even though she's not here"  
  
"Uh, yeah" said Neal  
  
"Woof woof sexy thing woof" cried Jump "woof I want your body woof"  
  
"Yes I know my butt looks good," said Dom as he walked in the room  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed some random person in the hallway  
  
"Never fear I'm here!" shouted Alanna before running out of the room  
  
"I better make sure she doesn't hurt anyone," said Kel "Can you two watch Ally?"  
  
"Sure" said Dom and Neal together  
  
~  
~  
  
While all this was happening in a dark hallway, in a part of the palace know one goes to Yuki was looking for her "skitzo" "Come out you ugly, smelly person who made this disgusting, hideous, piece of trash" she screamed to the darkness  
  
"Why?" said a voice from behind her "we think the dress is pretty, don't we Joe"  
  
"Yes," agreed a second voice, the one called Joe  
  
"Come out and fight like a man," said Yuki as the two figures walked into the light revealing two purple monkey vampire cousins  
  
"Adam and I want to kill you now" said Joe as he and his cousin Adam advanced toward Yuki  
  
"Pineapple, pineapple, pineapple" sang Neal as he walked by the war that was now going on between his wife and the vampire cousins  
  
~  
~  
  
"Insert really bad word here" said Dom when he and his cousin Neal found they couldn't wake Ally the Armadillo  
  
"We killed Owen's Bride!" cried Neal "Omlette du frumage! What will we do now?"  
  
"There's only one thing we can do," said Dom dramatically, "We must (pause) replace her!"  
  
"What a good idea!" said Neal excited that they wouldn't get caught "I'll be right back" and he left the room.  
  
Two hours later he came back in holding Sree the turtle under his arm "Not Sree!!!" shouted Dom when he saw Neal come back in "That's my pet turtle!"  
  
"Not anymore" said Neal "now he's Owen's wife"  
  
"Hey guys!" said Roald as he and his wife Shinko walked into the room "Is Ally ready?"  
  
"Yeah!" shouted Dom and Neal together a little suspiciously  
  
They then took Sree and headed toward the wedding hall. Five minutes later Aaron Carter walked into the room  
  
"You!" he said to the now dead Ally the Armadillo "there's not enough room in Owen's heart for the two of us. So (pause) I'll fight you for him!" with that he took out a smelly fish and started to beat up Ally the now dead Armadillo  
  
"Fine" said Aaron Carter as he pulled away "we'll finish this (pause) strip contest style" so Aaron Carter turned on stripping music and got on a chair  
  
"Oh my gods!" screamed Shinko as she walked into the room "If I had known you were this hot I would have married you instead"  
  
~  
~  
  
"Strike. Strike, Strike!" yelled the trombone army out in the hall  
  
"What do we want!" cried Braveheart  
  
"More Turkey!" replied the army  
  
"I like turkey" said Merric as he walked into he hall "makes sandwich yummy in my tummy"  
  
"Who do we want to kill!" shouted Braveheart  
  
"Michael Jackson!"  
  
"No!" said Braveheart, "we want to kill Ham"  
  
"Woof Raoul's gay woof" said Jump  
  
"What is that?" asked Merric "Timmy fell in the well!" and with that he went to save Timmy who apparently fell in the well  
  
"Woof" said Jump (dog for idiot)  
  
"My spider senses are Tingling," said Raoul as he ran by wearing an outfit like Xena Warrior Princess "To the Batmobile!"  
  
~  
~  
  
My advice: "I didn't know dog's could talk!"  
  
~  
~ And now to thank all those who reviewed! Thank you all! *Throws dead flowers at everyone including innocent bystanders * Why is it that the bystanders get all the fun! Death to the bystanders! *Forms angry mob that includes self and self's split personality, Bob who's looking at me like I'm about to blow up * Ok see you next week on, My Life Is Ruled Cheese!! Oh and FlamingKnight my friends call it smoking water, we even wrote a story about it once. PurpleMonkey13, he was actually singing that song! Yeah I based that part on this guy at my school that we make fun of and say he's gay. He's not but he acts just like it so it's real funny. 


	8. The Soap Opera

The Soap Opera  
  
Welcome to yet another episode of, Days Of Our Messed Up Lives. * Pictures of King Jonathon poisoning his numerous wives is shown while the announcer continues * Last time when we had left our characters, Shinko had entered an elevator, King Jonathon had found the razor and was now looking for his lover, some random elephant. Prince Roald had just finished making his plans with Cleon to take over the world, Yuki had just entered surgery and Kel had just fallen down the stairs. Meanwhile, Alanna was cheating on her ex-husband, King Jonathon with Frank her pool boy. And Owen is on his honeymoon with his new wife Bob Saget. And we can never forget Neal and Mr. Bubbles who just found out their half brothers.  
  
~  
~  
  
"Pretty" said Shinko as she looked at the buttons on the elevator, "I wonder what all these do?" and started to push all the red buttons  
  
"NoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOooooooooooo!!!!" screamed all the passengers as the lights went out and the elevator plummeted into darkness.  
  
"Bing!" went the elevator when the doors opened  
  
"Have a nice day!" said Shinko to all the people as they rushed to get off first  
  
Two floors later people were starting to get on again. "Hi!" said Shinko as she greeted the people coming on, "My name is Bob, but you can call me admiral"  
  
"Hi admiral" said Yuki as she got on the elevator, "I'm getting a brain transplant today"  
  
"Good" said Shinko "you need a new brain. I mean come on, you did marry your cousin!"  
  
"At least I didn't marry my brother," whispered Yuki  
  
"What was that?" asked Shinko  
  
"Nothing"  
  
~  
~  
  
In an evil underground evil world taking over room.  
  
"Now" started Prince Roald, "We will start taking over the world by first stealing all the domes in the palace"  
  
"Ha Ha Ha Ha" laughed Cleon, "They will never know what hit them"  
  
"Father!" called Daine, Cleon's daughter "my fat sumo wrestling boyfriend says he wants to help take over the world"  
  
"Tell him to jump off a bridge" said Cleon, "Now leave your father alone to take over the world with Uncle Prince Roald"  
  
"Ok!" said Daine as she left the room  
  
~  
~  
  
Back in the hospital Yuki had just gone into surgery and was trusting her life in the hands of her brother in laws, sons, daughter in laws, ex- husbands, child, The Doctor.  
  
"Saw" said The Doctor to the nurse as she cut open Yuki's head "Cheese" she said as the nurse handed her the said object, "Armadillo"  
  
"Doctor?" asked the nurse, "What's the armadillo for?"  
  
"We need to get this woman a new brain from somewhere!!" screamed The Doctor  
  
Just then, when The Doctor was half way done, The Doctor fainted and went into a coma, leaving Yuki with half a brain, amnesia, and also in a coma  
  
~  
~  
  
"Brother!" cried Neal as he ran toward Mr. Bubbles and hugged him "I'm sorry I killed you!"  
  
"I forgive you," said Mr. Bubbles as he also hugged Neal "I came back to life so it doesn't matter!"  
  
"You know Dom helped," said Neal, "He helped me kill you"  
  
"I still don't know how it was possible for King Jonathon, our father, to get pregnant" said Mr. Bubbles, not really listening to what Neal was saying. "Wait!" he exclaimed, "Dom helped kill me!!!"  
  
~  
~  
  
Back in the elevator Shinko was looking in her purse, "Got enough air in there?" she asked, "Good!" and with that closed her purse and looked around. She then noticed Owen standing next to her and she started to stare. When he finally looked at her she screamed "You're one of them!!!" and moved to the far corner of the elevator, sat down, and started muttering to herself.  
  
When the door opened she ran to keep it that way and took a penny out of her pocket and dropped it down the shaft "Quiet!" she yelled, "This door is to remain open until I hear the penny go "clink" at the bottom"  
  
~  
~  
  
Just then in the evil underground evil world taking over room, Prince Roald accidentally detonated a missile causing not only himself to go into a coma, but also Cleon, Daine, Neal, Mr. Bubbles, Jump, and Alanna's pool boy, Frank  
  
"Talk about ironic," said Alanna as she Kicked Frank, "we weren't even close to that missile and he's still in a coma"  
  
~  
~  
  
Tune in next time to, Days Of Our Messed Up Lives! See if King Jonathon will ever find some random elephant, and will Shinko ever leave the elevator? Can Alanna manage to get all the coma victims to the hospital in time? Why Jump! Will Owen and Bob Saget ever get home? What happened to Kel? And the question on everyone's minds, do Prince Roald and Cleon ever manage to take over the world!  
  
~  
~  
  
So thanks again to all who reviewed and I ask all who haven't yet to do so now. Come on folks it only takes two seconds to type up "I hate this" or better yet "I love this" so what are you waiting for? Two seconds! 


	9. Deleted Scenes

Ok people this is what happened the day of Owens wedding, it might be kind of scary so you cant say I didn't warn you!  
  
~  
~  
  
Deleted Scenes  
  
It was finally the big day, Owens wedding.  
  
"You know," said Yuki as she walked up to him, "I'm not wearing any underwear"  
  
"Really?" asked Owen  
  
"You pervert! I'm married!" she screamed while walking away, but not before she smacked him. Meanwhile Dom and Kel were having a somewhat similar conversation.  
  
"Will you" started Dom, "Marry me?"  
  
"You pervert!" shouted Kel, "I'm married!" and with that she smacked him  
  
"What do you mean your married?" asked Dom "I know for a fact that your not"  
  
"Opps" said Kel "my mistake"  
  
"So" said Dom starting to regain hope  
  
"So what?" asked Kel  
  
"Never mind" and with that Dom walked away, but little did they know that in the dark hallway, Yuki had returned to the scene of her crime.  
  
'They never saw it coming' she thought 'crazy skitzos thinking I would wear that piece of junk' and she started to do the evil laugh that sounds like a dying goat.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the wedding hall, the wedding march had started,  
  
I like big butts and I cannot lie, You other brothers can't deny, When a girl walks in with.  
  
And Sree walked down the aisle (they had to play wedding song three times for Sree to get to the alter)  
  
"Dearly beloved." said the priest  
  
"I do!" shouted Owen  
  
"Were not there yet moron!" said the priest while smacking Owen upside the head  
  
"I object!" screamed Aaron Carter from the church doors  
  
"Again!" said the priest, "we are not there yet, so you'll just have to wait!!!"  
  
"Ok" said Aaron Carter as he sat down  
  
Three years, six hours, forty five minutes, and fifty nine seconds later they finally got to the part Aaron Carter had been waiting for  
  
"I object!" Aaron Carter yelled once again, "I won the stripping contest and Owen is rightfully mine, and besides (pause) that's not even Ally!"  
  
Gasps went up in the crowd at that last statement and all eyes turned toward Dom and Neal  
  
"Uh" said Dom "I don't know what you're talking about" and he and his cousin ran out of the room closely followed by a mob of angry random people.  
  
Then at exactly three forty-five a cat walked into the church and ate Sree  
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" screamed Owen "I barely knew you!"  
  
"Hey" said Alanna as she walked into the hall for no apparent reason, "I heard all the noise and was wondering if there was any food left"  
  
"I love you!" shouted Owen who was directing his feelings toward a new person every five seconds  
  
"You pervert!" yelled Alanna as she smacked him.  
  
~  
~  
  
Sree, Beloved wife, Pet and turtle  
  
~  
~ Thank you all! And I will now like to perform my next amazing act by trying to name all who ever reviewed my sad and meaningless nothing * crickets are heard while author bows to an invisible audience like she hears clapping * Thank You! You're all too much! Ok here it goes: Evilstrawberryl; Lady Bee; FlamingKnight; Meg of Queenscove; PurpleMonkey13; Me; Sir Meathead; White Phoenix Erialis; Rude Bob; Dave the L's Gal; Scrawl; Alcapacien; and Devil Duckie. Thanks so much for reviewing and I'm sorry if I spelt your names wrong 


	10. Remembering

Important note about story: In this chapter Neal and Owen are in this room together and Neal starts to talk to himself and every now and then Owen and sometimes Owen makes comments to Neal. Just so you Know  
  
Remembering  
  
~ ~  
  
"You know this reminds me of the time me and Kel put an antelope down Dom's pants. Why did we put the antelope down Dom's pants? Well I'll tell you. I loved Yuki, I loved her more than anything, and she loved me so much she'd do anything for me, including sacrificing her goat. That was one good goat. Did you know that you cant find any good goats anymore, like yesterday I was at this restaurant, supposedly the best, but they didn't have any goat. Well I can tell you right now that I'm never going there again! But that's against the point. What I'm really trying to say is that I loved Yuki's goat."  
  
"But Neal, what does that have to do with an antelope?"  
  
"Well nothing, but come on do you really want to hear about the time Kel and I put an antelope down Dom's pants or about Yuki's goat? I mean come on; my story about the goat has action, romance, adventure, and even some comedy! What more could you ask for? Now my dear Owen I know what your going to say and I'll tell you right now that I don't love you that way, Yuki will now and always be my one true love, that is unless Merric wants to hook up, then I'm free, or maybe Lord Raoul. He is soooooooo Hot! Like yesterday I sooooooo saw his butt! What were we talking about again? Oh yes, goats! Do you think Merric likes me? I mean he was flirting with me this morning. Can you believe it, ME!"  
  
"But What Happened To The Antelope!!!"  
  
"What antelope? I don't remember any antelopes! I remember Merric and Lord Raoul, * sigh * they know they want me. Ok, so anyways Kel and I were bored one day so she went beaver hunting, when she came back I admit I was a little surprised when she had not a beaver but an antelope, so I did what any respectable person would do, I made out with the antelope. You know you've never really lived until you've made out with an antelope, but it's ok cause I'm just so hot. It's like the time I forgot to eat my vegetables and Kel Killed me. I know what you're going to say and I'll tell you right now that I do have a fetish with fingers."  
  
"ANTELOPE!!!!!"  
  
"No thank you, I'm not hungry right now, but keep the cantaloupe near because I might get hungry later"  
  
"I SAID ANTELOPE! NOT CANTALOUPE!!!!"  
  
"Cheese, boogers, it's all the same. Yeah, I'll never forget the time me and Kel put an antelope down Dom's pants. That look! It was just classic!"  
  
"I wouldn't know!"  
  
The Moral: "Cheese, boogers, it's all the same"  
  
~ ~ Ok, here it is again. The part where I say thank you and you all ignore me, well I don't know if you ignore me or not, but that's against the point. I'm trying to write a chapter where they all sing, but it's harder then it seems. I'm also trying to do Rude Bob's suggestion but I've never seen the Matrix. So yeah, Thank and You 


	11. Hey Look, It's a musical

Hey Look, It's a Musical  
  
About three years ago in a universe that lies parallel to us on an earth similar, yet different to ours, there were people living in a somewhat normal fashion.  
  
"Neal!" yelled Kel as she and Alanna ran into the hallway, "We have to tell you something"  
  
The lights then went out to shine a single spotlight on Alanna and Kel. The two then started to tap dance as the music came on, "We'll always be bosom buddies," they sang.  
  
Just then Merric came into the hallway and upon seeing Alanna and Kel singing and dancing decided to join in, "Like orphan Annie and Sandy, like Amos and Andy" Merric was then magically wearing his purple dress and started to do cartwheels, Neal who had been quiet for this long finally decided to say something.  
  
"Merric!" he shouted, "Couldn't you have at least put some underwear on!" and he made to move toward the door, but before he had the chance to leave Roald and Shinko came storming in dressed as the Village People and singing the YMCA.  
  
"Young man are you listening to me, I said young man there's a place you should be...Y-M-C-A" It was at that second the song stopped due to the fact that Yuki and Dom had walked into the room. Seeing that everyone was unusually quiet they also decided to sing to break the silence  
  
"I can't believe I'm stuck with her all summer" sang Dom "I bet she doesn't mess around our box"  
  
"He looks conceited," sang Yuki, "Oh bummer"  
  
"If I get lucky I'll get chicken pox"  
  
"So happy you could come"  
  
"So happy to be here"  
  
"Oh I want to run"  
  
"This is not my"  
  
"This isn't my idea of fun"  
  
"That was beautiful," cried Alanna as she wiped a single tear off her face  
  
"Elementary dear Watson" said King Jon as he walked in and then walked back out of the room  
  
Lady Cytheria, who was in the room unnoticed by the others decided to sing one of her favorite songs. So signaling to the DJ that didn't exist, she walked to the middle of the room wearing a ball gown as the music started  
  
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty" she began to sing, "Wait!" she screamed, "That's not the right song!" so the music was changed and she began to sing again, but before she had the chance Owen ran in and started talking to his imaginary sidekick  
  
"Or," he said, "we could save ourselves the postage and POISON him!!!"  
  
"Brilliant" said a disembodied voice, "I'll go get the fertilizer"  
  
"Look, I've got two reasons why you shouldn't listen to him," said King Jon, "One, he's got that stringy music thing"  
  
"Ok, we've been through this, it's called a harp."  
  
"Right. And that's a dress"  
  
"Robe."  
  
"Number two, look what I can do"  
  
"But what does that...?" asked Neal  
  
"No, no!" interrupted Owen, "He has a point"  
  
"I'm a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine," cried Lady Cytheria as she rocked back and forth in the corner, "if I am to change this image I must first change myself"  
  
"Hey look everybody!" screamed Roald, "I can braid my leg hair!"  
  
"So?" shouted back King Jon, "I can braid mine!"  
  
"That's all fine and dandy," said Yuki, "but I bet none of you have purple leg hair!"  
  
"No" agreed Alanna, "Mine is rain bowed!" and with that she rolled up her breeches to show colorful hair covering her legs  
  
"This reminds me of a song," said Neal, so he cleared his throat with a cough (some people thought he was dying, but alas they were not that lucky)  
  
"In the dark of the night I was tossing and turning, And the nightmare I had was as bad as can be--, It scared me out of my wits--, A corpse falling to bits! Then I opened my eyes and the nightmare was... Me!!  
  
I was once the most mystical man in all Russia. When the royals betrayed me they made a mistake! My curse made each of them pay but one little girl..."  
  
"Oh wow Rasputin, that was beautiful"  
  
"But my names not..."  
  
"Shush!"  
  
"And I haven't..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Broccoli"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Ok"  
  
"Bye"  
  
"That's good"  
  
"Hey where's the cream filling?"  
  
"Don't touch me!"  
  
"You know you liked it"  
  
"Maybe I did!"  
  
"Now I'm officially disturbed!"  
  
"Join us Dom!"  
  
"Yes join us!"  
  
"Ahhhh, something touched me!"  
  
"Wow! Your butt is so firm. Do you work out?"  
  
"Neal, that's not me" "Then who is it?"  
  
"OK! That's it! Someone just smacked my butt!!!" and with that Roald turned on the lights that nobody knew were off, but alas they were.  
  
The scene that was beheld when Roald turned back to the others could not be described as pretty. In fact it could be described as ugly, cannibalistic, and you just have to wonder about their sanity sometimes.  
  
Shinko, Yuki and Owen were huddled over a poor defenseless little duck and attempting to salt it. King Jon, Lady Cytheria and Alanna were playing flashlight tag with a polar bear, and Kel, Dom and Neal were rolling around on the floor... well...you don't want to know what they were doing.  
  
That's when Jump walked in, "He was a famous trumpet man from old Chicago way," Jump began to tap dance, "He had a boogie style know one else could play," Roald had a heart attack, "He was the top man at his craft,"  
  
"I didn't know dogs could sing!" Neal exclaimed from his spot on the floor  
  
That's when the world blew up and King Jon lived happily ever after, yet Jump continued to sing, "but then his number came up and he was gone with the draft," Is that possible? I mean the world did just blow up! "He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of company B"  
  
Fortune Cookie says: "The Chinese man does tai-chi with bananas"  
  
~  
~ Ok all you people out there! I would just like to apologize for taking so long to update. It's just been a nightmare lately. Please everyone remember to read and review and with any luck I'll have another chapter up before I grow old and die. 


	12. Another Soap Opera

Disclaimer: * cough, sputter, die, choke, barf * I do not own any Disney TV characters, movies, producers, songs, and/or randomness. I have never owned Bob Saget, Michael Jackson, Aaron Carter, Harry Potter, Rasputin, Sree the turtle, Tamora Pierce/anything she wrote. I have no claim to Batman, Spiderman, Super Chippie (but only on Tuesdays), Wonder Women, and/or the string monopoly. I wish I owned California, Canada, Washington D.C., a city in Germany, Africa, Frank the pool boy. And against popular belief I am not the ruler of the world...yet...maybe?  
  
Another Soap Opera  
  
Welcome To yet another episode of Days of Our Messed up Lives *Pictures of random characters dancing on a table while eating spaghetti are shown while announcer continues* When we last left our characters Prince Roald and Cleon had come up with a new scheme to take over the palace. Yuki had woken up from her coma. Shinko had found a perfect birthday present for King Jon, a manatee. Alanna had just agreed to go on a "date" with George, and Frank was busy cleaning Kel's pool.  
  
~ ~  
  
"Dum dum dum dum" sang Frank, very out of tune. "Oh darn it" he said, "that leaf is just out of my reach. I will Prevail!!!" (Cheesy music is heard) so he leaned down and tried to reach it. (Music gets more dramatic) But because Frank is the only pool boy who can't swim he fell in and drowned.  
  
Just then King Jon came running by holding a fork and screaming, "Ahhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I've been hit! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"  
  
~ ~  
  
"Quick" said a whispered voice, "Let's review the plan. Get in, get lots of broccoli, get out. And Dom if you're going to help out don't eat anything"  
  
"Got it," said another whispered voice, "Eat lots of food"  
  
"No, don't eat ANY food"  
  
"Ok, don't let Carol eat any food"  
  
"You"  
  
"Me"  
  
"Ok let's go"  
  
(Pause) "Dom, what are you doing?"  
  
"Didn't you say to go find Carol?"  
  
"No"  
  
"Right... so what am I doing again?"  
  
"Lets review the plan again shall we?"  
  
"Ok"  
  
"Get in, get broccoli, DON'T EAT ANY FOOD, get out. Got it?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Then repeat"  
  
"Get in"  
  
"Good"  
  
"Get broccoli"  
  
"Ok"  
  
"Don't eat any food"  
  
"Correct"  
  
"Get out"  
  
"Very good, now lets go"  
  
"What are we doing again, I wasn't listening?" asked a third whispered voice  
  
*CRACK*  
  
"I never liked him any ways"  
  
"I always thought Cleon was nice, I'm going to miss him"  
  
"Uh, Guys?"  
  
"Quiet Cleon, can't you see that Dom is sad about Cleon's death"  
  
"I'm not dead"  
  
"Yes you are"  
  
"No I'm not"  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" screamed King Jon as he ran in and started to break dance on the floor with his fork still in hand  
  
"Darn it King Jon," said Lord Raoul as he walked onto the scene, "You've been disturbing the peace again. Cant you see these good citizens of the palace are trying to steal all the broccoli?" So with that Lord Raoul started to beat King Jon to a bloody pulp. That's when Merric came in.  
  
"I'll help you Lord Raoul!!! Here hold this" So he handed Lord Raoul the pair of panty hose he was wearing up until five seconds ago, who then immediately put it on his head.  
  
Merric then started to make out with King Jon who, fortunately for him, was unconscious.  
  
~ ~  
  
Later that day Alanna and George were out on a date at the Olive Garden  
  
"Waiter" said George "we are ready to order"  
  
"Ok" said Neal as he came up to the table (he was their waiter)  
  
"We'll have the Lobster please," said George  
  
"LOBSTER!!!" screamed King Jon in a high squeaky voice as he ran by the table  
  
"So?" said George once they were alone at their table, "how are you?" but Alanna wasn't listening, instead she was loading a gun  
  
"Lobster" said Neal as he handed both Alanna and George a plate of Lobster  
  
"This taste delicious" said George after a couple of minutes of eating  
  
"YOU IDIOT!!!" yelled Alanna as she stood up and pointed the gun she had loaded earlier at George, "I hate you!!!" she then hurled the gun at him, causing him to die instantly before she sat back down and finished dinner.  
  
"Uh...miss?" said some random waitress person dude, "I'm afraid I have some bad news"  
  
"Well what is it!" asked Alanna very annoyed  
  
"It seems Frank, your pool boy, died earlier today in a freak swimming pool accident"  
  
"Darn it Frank! I told you take swimming lessons!!!" cried Alanna as she stormed out, but as she reached the door Neal stopped her.  
  
"I know you murdered George," he said  
  
"How do you know?" asked Alanna, shocked that he could know  
  
"Because," said Neal, "I'm psycho" he then pointed to his head and walked away, every now and then looking over his shoulder and whispering "psycho" again.  
  
~ ~  
  
Five years, six months, eight days, twenty three minutes, and fifteen seconds later that day Shinko was walking out of the safety of her elevator so she could go to Franks funeral.  
  
"I'll miss him," said Lady Cytheria as she took her turn to look in the casket, "he was the best lover I ever had"  
  
"Oh Frank" said Buri as she took her turn at the casket, "You were the best lover I ever had"  
  
"My lover" said Jump, Kel's dog as he took his turn, "you'll always be my best"  
  
"Pineapple, pineapple, pineapple" sang Neal from within the kitchen where he was watching a cooking show so he could make all the funeral guests lobster  
  
"Now" said the TV. "Put the lobster in water"  
  
"Ok" announced Neal, "this is easy" so he filled a pot with cold water and put the live lobsters in  
  
~ ~  
  
"Funeral guests" said Shinko as she stood up to give Frank's eulogy, "I would just like to say that..."  
  
"It's raining broccoli!!!" shouted Dom  
  
"Broccoli angel!" screamed Cleon as he got off the floor to show people his beautiful broccoli angel  
  
"Hahahahahahaha" laughed Prince Roald evilly "my plan to take over the palace is working! The broccoli is causing disorder! It's the broccoli of Disorder!!!"  
  
"I had an affair with Frank!" yelled Shinko above the now quiet crowd  
  
"Lobster?" asked Neal as he came in and handed everyone his or her dinner  
  
"So honey" said Kel to Yuki. "How did you surgery go?"  
  
"Doggy!!!" shouted Yuki as she raced towards her lobster when suddenly...  
  
"It's still alive!"  
  
"He is?" asked Yuki, "Frank I'll save you!!!"  
  
"I asked for well done, not rare!" screamed Kel as she threw her lobster at Franks casket causing Franks dead body to sit up  
  
"Wow this is so fresh!" cried Kel, "my compliments to the chief!"  
  
"Frank!!!" cried Yuki as she jumped into Franks coffin and started to administer CPR  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" screamed King Jon as he ran through the room, "I Cant Believe It's Not Lobster!!!"  
  
"Waiter" said Buri calmly to Neal, "I think my lobsters a bit under cooked"  
  
"Dom, you sexy beast!" screamed Kel as she gave up her attempts to stop Yuki who was now hitting Frank with a lamp  
  
"Not now honey," said Dom, "I'm trying to eat"  
  
"Hey Frank! Do you have change for a hundred?" asked Yuki  
  
~ ~  
  
Tune in next week to another exciting episode of Days of Our Messed Lives. Will Frank live? Can Dom stop eating? What's wrong with King Jon? Will Neal ever figure out he physic, not psycho? Will Alanna ever get a bigger role? And what's Jump doing with that whip? 


	13. The Lost Script

The Lost Script  
  
~  
~  
  
Scene starts with a dark stage as the audience hears a slow and steady creak  
  
Alanna: (walks onto stage and turns on light)  
  
On the stage we can see a chair in the center of the room placed underneath a ceiling fan where Yuki is standing on the chair, contemplating killing herself.  
  
Alanna: (screams) Oh My God! (Walks to the chair and moves it to the side of the stage) What kind of animal would put this chair in the middle of a room! Hey Yuki (sits down in chair) it's disgusting! The Pig!!!  
  
Yuki: (choughs, sputters, chokes, dies)  
  
Alanna: (Gets up and walks to a switch and turns the fan on) I'm Hot  
  
Yuki: (starts to spin really fast)  
  
Alanna: (turns fan off)  
  
Yuki: (hand comes flying off and hits Alanna in head)  
  
Jon: (runs in and grabs Yuki's legs) Faster Alanna, It's so romantic!  
  
Side note: Yuki is not only wearing a dress but a variety of things including, a trench coat, snow jacket, Neal's shirt, Jon's pants, a ski mask, Merric' purple dress, Prince Roald's socks, Dom's shoes, and Owen's lipstick  
  
Alanna: How amazing, she still looks thin!  
  
(Enters Neal)  
  
Neal: Hey King Jon! Has anyone told you how good you look today? (Grabs Jon's legs and starts to spin around really fast)  
  
(Enters Dom)  
  
Dom: (dressed like a peanut vender) Peanuts! Get Your Peanuts!!!'  
  
Neal: Hey Dom, I'll buy some peanuts  
  
Dom: Ok, here you go (hands Neal a bag of peanuts)  
  
(Enters Kel)  
  
Kel: Hey Neal! Eat Your Own Husband!!!  
  
Neal: Ok! (Starts to feed Yuki peanuts) Oh, look here my pretty wife.  
  
(Enters Erin)  
  
Erin: I am the Keeper of Time (holds staff up) this is my magical staff of Potato Chips (Cheesy, I know!)  
  
Erin: (throws staff at Alanna and hits Yuki)  
  
Yuki: (turns into a giant olive hanging from the ceiling fan in the center of the stage)  
  
Neal: What's that my pet? You want more peanuts? (Continues to feed Yuki and doesn't notice Yuki is an over grown olive)  
  
King Jon: (falls off Yuki) Ow, my butt!  
  
Neal: I'm hungry! (Makes sure know ones looking) (Takes bite out of Yuki)  
  
(Enters Casio the girl who thinks she is a vampire, but alas is wrong)  
  
Casio: Put a whore on her head  
  
Dom: who wants some garlic toast?  
  
Casio: I do! (Turns to Neal) I'm hungry too; I think I'll eat you  
  
Neal: (screams in a girly voice) (throws peanuts in air)  
  
Dom: Peanuts!!! (Gets down on floor and begins to count the peanuts)  
  
Kel: Dom stop counting! You're making it obvious! (Kicks Dom) Stupid husband!  
  
Dom: (shows Kel a handful of peanuts) (innocently) Want some?  
  
Kel: (slaps peanuts out of Dom's hand) You know I don't like peanuts!  
  
Casio: (starts to melt)  
  
Neal: are you really melting?  
  
Casio: No (stands up and walks off stage)  
  
Owen: (randomly) Noooooooooo!!! Mommy!!! I stepped on a fortune cookie!!!!!!  
  
(Enters Numair and Daine)  
  
Daine: Save the whales (holds up freshly painted poster) Dolphin free tuna is the way to eat!  
  
Numair: (quizzically) What's tuna?  
  
Daine: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Numair: (meekly) ok (try's to sneak out of room)  
  
Daine: (hands Numair a sign) Here, hold this! (Walks outside)  
  
Numair: (looks up at ceiling) Why gods? I pay my taxes, and if I don't its not my fault! I blame Jon; he put the hole in the o-zone layer.  
  
(Enters Jump)  
  
Jump: (holding whip) Happy cows come from California (pokes Owen) BOOPIE  
  
~  
~  
  
Thank you all for the lovely cheese (cough) I mean reviews. I treasure them all. Unfortunately I don't have enough to power my time machine yet so if all you beautiful people out there could send a few more I might finally know the secrets of TIME!!!!!! Or not. Either way? Just review. Merci. 


	14. The News Cast

THE NEWS CAST  
  
Announcer: And now welcome to your evening news. (Pictures of the news crew wearing bikinis and doing the Congo Line is shown while announcer continues) With Neal doing the weather, Alanna on the scene. Our inside reporter Shinko, and with Kel and Dom at the desk.  
  
Kel: Hello, I'm Kel  
  
Dom: and I'm Dom. Welcome to...  
  
Both: the five 0'clock news!  
  
Kel: King Jon died earlier today. The only witness to the murder was his wife.  
  
Dom: The cause was supposedly a Trombone case that had been stuffed down his throat. Is this the return of the mysterious Trombone army?  
  
Kel: and now we head out to Alanna who's on scene at an active volcano in the middle of the forest.  
  
(Camera shows Alanna who is standing inside the volcano as the lava rapidly rise's)  
  
Alanna: Thank you Bob! Wow it's getting hot in here!  
  
Background singers: so take off all you clothes  
  
Alanna: Shut Up!!! I'm not Neal with the weather! Go Away!!!  
  
(Background singers disappear)  
  
Alanna: (to the side) Is it suppose to be this hot? That lava is really starting to get close. Quick guys, send me down a rope! (Looks up to see nobody there) Guy's?  
  
(Camera goes back to Dom and Kel)  
  
Kel: (Screaming) What do you mean this outfit makes me look fat! What about this desk Dom? Huh! Does this desk make me look fat too?  
  
Dom: A little around the eyes, yes  
  
Camera guy: Guy's your on the air  
  
Kel: (sits back down and smiles) Welcome back  
  
Dom: And now we go to Neal with the weather. (To Neal) My dear Meathead please put some clothes on!  
  
(Camera shows Neal who is standing in front of a weatherboard and not wearing any clothes)  
  
Neal: (ignoring his cousin) As you can see the weather is beautiful  
  
Owen: (walking by) We can't say the same about you  
  
Neal: It will stay beautiful for most of the week  
  
Owen: (walking in opposite direction) Unlike you  
  
Neal: Next week there will be rain  
  
Owen: (Stands next to Neal) When's the performance?  
  
Neal: I've already told you Owen! I don't like you that way, STOP ASKING ME OUT!!!  
  
(Back at the desk)  
  
Kel: That was disturbing. I'll never look at him the same way again. So how are you Dom?  
  
Dom: And how do you look at him? You're secretly in love with him aren't you!!! (Waves hands in air) I'm taking my string monopoly and going!  
  
Kel: (Stands up) Fine! Who needs you!  
  
Dom: (Walks away)  
  
Kel: It was just a joke!  
  
Dom: (Comes back in and sits down) Ok. I love you honey.  
  
Kel: I love you too  
  
Dom: I love you more  
  
Kel: (screaming) I love you more!!!  
  
Dom: SHUT UP! I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!  
  
Camera Guy: QUIET! I love you both more, now get back to the show!!!  
  
Kel: (Gasps) He's bi? Did you know that Dom?  
  
Dom: Why no honey I did not  
  
Kel: That's some shocking news!  
  
Dom: Wow! It's news! Reporting live from the newsroom, our camera mans bi and he loves my wife and I  
  
Kel: But not literally. In other News, Queen Thayet is holding a party, I mean funeral in honor of her husbands death. The whole palace has been invited to celebrate, I mean mourn.  
  
Dom: And now our inside reporter Shinko has some news from the circus  
  
(Camera goes to Circus where Shinko is standing next to a clown)  
  
Shinko: Hello, I'm standing here with Procrastination the Clown (Turns to the clown) so tell me, how do you manage to train these elephants so well?  
  
Clown: We start with some simple things like come and sit. Let me demonstrate. (Calls over an elephant) This is Buba. Sit Buba. (Buba sits on Shinko) Good Buba, we are now one step closer to ruling the world!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!  
  
(Back with Kel and Dom)  
  
Dom: We now have some breaking news with random Penguin. Random?  
  
R. Penguin: (Silence)  
  
Dom: Wow! That was amazing and random!  
  
Kel: And now a commercial break  
  
(Camera goes to a scene with a nice quiet family in their living room)  
  
Announcer Guy: Are you tired of your perfect neighbors? (Shows wild family that can't stay calm shake their heads yes) Then you need Hair Growth Miracle! No longer look bald and shabby, but have a full head of hair. Sodium Chloride, more than just salt!  
  
(Next commercial shows children playing in a room full of dynamite)  
  
Announcer Dude: Keep your children safe and come to The Dynamite Showcase! Exploding children's imaginations until the safety department closes us down.  
  
Kel: You know, that Dynamite Showcase sounds like fun. I know I'll be taking my children there.  
  
Dom: First of all, you have no children. Second, it's still a commercial break.  
  
Kel: You don't know that for a fact!  
  
Dom: Yes I do!  
  
Kel: No you don't!  
  
Dom: YES!!!  
  
Kel: NO!!!  
  
Camera Guy: SHUT UP!! THE NEWS IS OVER!!!  
  
Kel: I'm Kel  
  
Dom: And I'm Dom, and thank you for joining us at...  
  
Both: The five 0'clock news!

Thank you to all of my reveiwers. Now remember my time machine is being powered by reviews and I would love to go back in time.


	15. Uno Hurts

UNO HURTS:  
  
Now for normal people a rainy day can be an awful experience. No being able to go outside and kill random nobles on the practice courts, no beating your best friend and his cousin to a bloody pulp, in other words, no joy. Unless you had...  
  
"HARRY POTTER UNO CARDS!!!" shouted Kel as she and Yuki sat down on Kel's floor to begin their death defying card game.  
  
"Look," said Yuki as she set down a card with a picture of Hagrid from Harry Potter on it, "it's your ugly husband!"  
  
"Look," said Kel as she set down a card with The Sorting Hat pictured on it, "it's my hat! I've been looking everywhere for it!"  
  
"Look," said Yuki as she put down a card with Filch the Caretaker holding his cat Mrs. Norris on it, "it's your ugly husband holding your boyfriend!"  
  
"Hey!" said Dom as he walked into the room and sat down next to Kel, "What are we playing?"  
  
Yuki and Kel quickly stood up and started to scream. "YOU'RE DISTURBING THE SPIRITS!!!" yelled Kel when the screaming stopped  
  
"My séance!!!" cried Yuki, "You've ruined it!!!"  
  
"The spirits are mad now!!"  
  
"Quickly Dom run away!!!"  
  
"I feel a spirit taking over my body!" said Kel as she punched Dom square in the face, "WHERE'S KING JON NOW?!"  
  
"What?" asked Dom as he began to recover from the punch when Kel kicked him in the stomach and he blacked out.  
  
"Where's King Jon now?" she calmly asked  
  
"Did someone call?" said King Jonathon from the doorway  
  
"Ahhhhhhh!!!" came Kel's scream  
  
"THE SPIRITS!!!" yelled Yuki  
  
"Where's King Jon now!" screamed Kel as she picked up a chair and hit King Jon with it  
  
"Wow! This game is fun!" said Jon as he picked himself off the floor. He then proceeded to pick up a lamp and hit Kel over the head with it. "Where am I now?" he asked  
  
Kel picked the chair back up and the two continued to hit each other for an hour or two. Or three. Ok, so it was four more hours.  
  
"Look," said Yuki as she set down a card that held a picture of a dragon on it, "it's your ugly husband Neal"  
  
"WHERE'S KING JON NOW!!!" shouted Kel as she threw her bed at Jonathon  
  
"Look," said Dom as he set down a card with Hermione's picture on it, "it's your boyfriend"  
  
"WHERE AM I NOW!!"  
  
On the other side of the palace though, the people were having a bit of rainy day fun of their own.  
  
"Gather around children," said Alanna to the room of the country's greatest leaders, "Aunt Alanna's going to tell you a story"  
  
"But Alanna," spoke up Gary, "we are not your children"  
  
"I SAID GATHER AROUND!!!" shouted Alanna as she unsheathed her sword  
  
The greatest leaders of the country got scared when she did this so they did as Alanna told them, and they gathered around her.  
  
"Now," she started, "this is my version of Santa Clause. LISTION CLOSELY!! TAKE NOTES! "  
  
"Five years ago in a far away place called Wal-Mart, an old bald man with a white bead was born. They named him Dracula. Dracula's family was a poor hobo that lived behind Pizza Hut and as he grew he learned the importance of being a gold digger.  
  
So, on Dracula's 289th birthday he was sent to live with a man called Bob Saget, and together they came up with a plan to take over the world. Unfortunately for them though the plane had crashed on the boarder of Mexico and Canada, and they didn't know where to burry the survivors.  
  
After that experience Dracula decided to travel the world with a circus to discover the meaning of life. While at the circus, Dracula meet the love of his life, Jump the bearded Dog. Together the two got married and every year on their anniversary they eat potato chips and sing about binoculars.  
  
And that is where we got Halloween. Happy New Year! I love you all."  
  
"WHERE'S JON NOW!!!!"

  
Neal was not a very bright man. In fact he could be very stupid at times, like the beautiful rainy day when he decided to visit the strip club his dear friend Owen worked at.  
  
After he arrived he was immediately given a table right by the stage, but Neal being the curious person he is decided to study the lamp sitting at his table.  
  
'What a curious object' he thought as he put his nose into the flames, "Look!" he exclaimed out loud, "I'm on fire!"  
  
"Hey Neal" said Owen as he walked out onto the stage "Did you know that you're on fire?"  
  
"I don't want to grow up!" cried Neal while whipping the flames off of himself and setting the strip club on fire, "I want to DANCE!!!" And through out the world cheesy music was heard as Neal did his version of the Macarena. The world cried.  
  
The lesson learned: Uno is fun, but Neal can't dance


	16. In the Mind of Raoul

In The Mind Of Raoul 

It isn't easy being tall. I can tell you that from experience seeing as I myself am 6ft 6, or somewhere around there. I've been that way for as long as I remember, which really isn't saying mush because I have lost my long-term memory.

Due to this small little detail I've been known to think I'm someone else. So far in the last week or so I've been five different superheros, a toilet repairman, a traveling salesman, my great aunt, an abnormally large elf, and a couple of minutes ago I was King.

Unfortunately I don't remember being any of these people. Truthfully I think it's all one cruel sick joke Alanna and Jon are playing on me.

Those two have always been a thorn in my side with their, "oh Raoul, lets pour hot soup in the ambassadors wife's lap" I'm Busy! "Oh Raoul, help us take over some random country so we'll have more people to torture" I'm washing my hair on that day! "Oh Raoul, let's dye Gary's hair purple!" I'd rather drowned puppies!

Can you believe I got locked in the dungeon for that one! Apparently drowning puppies is treason against the King.

Without me this country would fall apart!!! Then they'd all have something to "Oh Raoul" about.

"Oh Raoul, help us rebuild the country" NEVER! "Oh Raoul, we'll let you be King" LIARS! They'll beg and they'll grovel, but I'll never help them.

Then after I help them rebuild the country, I'll laugh in their faces. Hahahahaha!!! I'll tell them their weak, and then because I'm laughing like a mad man I'll fall off a cliff. Then they'll cry and come to my funeral saying things like:

"He's what kept our country stable" and, "He was so underappreciated"

Of course my loving wife will be the saddest one there a she remembers all the good times we had together, and as she tells everyone there that she's pregnant with my baby I'll wake up and scream, "LIAR! I know you've been cheating on me with…" but before I can get the name out I die again and everyone is back to being sad because they had all rejoiced when I woke up.

I wonder if lunch has started yet? I think I'll walk down to the dinning hall. Let me tell you what's going on for I am sure you cannot see for yourself.

I have just opened the door. Hey look! There's Kel and her dog Jump. I've just said "Hi" to her and she repeated it back. You know I once had a dog. His name was abnormally weird shaped elf, or at least that's what Alanna and Jon told me.

I've finally reached the dinning hall and can see my loving cheating wife waving me over to where she sits. She now wants me to go outside with her; it must be about who ever she's cheating on me with, I hope he's cute.

OH MY GODS!!! She just told me she's pregnant with my baby!

"LIAR!" I screamed, "I know you've been cheating on me with…" but before I could finish I died. Yep. I'm dead now.

Wait! What's this? It's the man my loving cheating wife is cheating on me with!!! Good thing he's cute! Look at that! He's comforting her!! I'm lying here dead and another man is comforting her! I'll kill him!!! If I weren't already dead I'd kill him!


End file.
